"I have learned that if you must leave a place that you have lived in and loved and where all your yesterdays are buried deep, leave it any way except a slow way, leave it the fastest way you can. Never turn back and never believe that an hour you remember is a better hour because it is dead. Passed years seem safe ones, vanquished ones, while the future lives in a cloud, formidable from a distance."
- Beryl Markham, West with the Night
You leave the place that you've once lived in and loved quickly when the situation requires you to. You must never turn back, wear your best smile and burn the bridges behind you. You can't afford to be a prisoner of the past for you are the Master. The Master of your destiny that will create footprints of a better future.
"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere."
- Tim McGraw
Bits and pieces of ourselves scatter everywhere in our past. Wherever we go, whoever we meet and whatever we do, everything becomes a part of our history. We are the person we are today because of these paths we take.
My thoughts about "leaving" were summed up by years of my experience as a student. I'm on my fifth year in Centro Escolar university, taking up bachelor of Arts in Mass Communication Major in Performing Arts. I used to be a working-student, worked for a Call Center Company in my first few years in college. I've sent myself to school, both studying and working at the same time and I must admit that it was the most challenging experience I had so far. On my Fourth year, I decided to just focus on my work and left School. I enjoyed the luxury of spending my hard-earned money and school-free environment. It only came to my realization what I really wanted in my life when I already got bored to my daily routine at work. I've asked myself questions, "Is this really what you want?", "Is this really the job you aimed for?", "Are you happy with the job you have right now?". I didn't think twice though I've considered some consequences so I quit my job, went back to school and again determined to finish it. I realized I am not the type that can serve two Masters at the same time. All I just wanted is to graduate and get a good job probably from overseas. And so I did very well in the first semester (4th year). I'm currently at my second semester but one big news came up. And that is I won't be able to graduate this March. I have compromised one of my major subjects and now lost it. I was so devastated and I know that it was my fault. I've sacrificed it for few times of leisure without considering that I might end up putting my grades at risk. I am very sorry to my family, especially to my mother. I couldn't apologize more because I'm a big failure to myself and to my family now. I just hate myself for being such a disappointment. (Sighs)
Enough for dramas! Life goes on and I have to go with the flow because I live my life to the fullest. I take full responsibility of my stupid actions and I think it's just OK afterall. I'm young and if I make mistakes, I learn from it. If I fall, I gather my strength to get back up. The only question I have in mind is "Am I going to finish strong?". I may not graduate ON time, but I'm sure that I will graduate IN time.
The 6-unit major subject that I failed is only offered every second semester of a school year. I have no choice but to retake it so I can graduate on March 2014. I'm just 21 and it's not the end of the world. For me, the ball has just started rolling. I will be leaving for now. I will find a job that can suffice my needs. I will send myself to school again. I will save money for my future, money for my tuition fee for this year's second semester. I may be leaving for now but surely I will return with full strength. Ready to face the world again, armed with new great possibilities. I promise to myself that with this next chance, I will not lose, and I will definitely be graduating... March 2014 - having the diploma as a gift to myself and to my mother who's always been there for me, supporting and loving. Thank you mom for everything. You have done enough. You did your best, as you always do. This time, let me do it my way. This time, the right way. And yes indeed I will be leaving. I am leaving... for now.
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